Bagpipe Jokes

— Contributed by Marilyn McPhie

What’s the difference between beginner and expert bagpipers?

Nothing.

Why do bagpipe players always walk when they play?

To get away from the sound.

My neighbors love my 3am bagpipe practice

They even throw bricks through my window so they can hear it better.

I received an award from the Royal College of Bagpipers for “Outstanding contribution to Bagpipes and their music”
I asked why, as I’ve never played one, they said-“Yes, if only there were more people like you in this world!”

What’s the difference between a 5 lb bag of onions and a set of bagpipes?

No one cries when you cut up the bagpipes.

My friend starting hearing bagpipes in his head I think he has Scotsophrenia.

I don’t understand my wife.  First she says “Yes, fine, have a tattoo!”

…and now she’s complaining about all the bagpipers in the front yard!

Pirates capture four prisoners — a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman and an Englishman.

One morning the captives are told, “You are to be lined up and each shot, but before you are shot you get a final wish.”

The Scotsman says, “Before I’m shot I’d like to hear “Scotland the Brave” played on the bagpipes once again, to remind me of the old country.”

Their captor nods, “That can be arranged.”

The Irishman says, “Before I die, I’d like to hear an Irish tenor sing “Danny Boy” and see a performance of “Riverdance”  to remind me of the old country.”

Their captor nods, “That can also be arranged.”

The Welshman says, “I’d like to hear Men of Harlech once again, sung by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir, to remind me of the old country.”

Their captor nods, “Yes. That can be arranged.”

Then the captor turns to the Englishman. “And what is your wish?”

His reply?  “I wish to be shot first.”

A young man from the Highlands moved to London, and after a few weeks, his mother called to check on him.

She asked “How do you find the city, Donald?”
“Mother,” replied Donald, “it’s fine, I guess.  But my neighbors are very noisy. One neighbor won’t stop banging on the wall, and the other screams and screams all night long.”
“Oh, son!  They are obviously crazy.  You should ignore them.”
“That’s just what I do, Mother.  I ignore them and just keep on practicing my bagpipes.”

What’s the definition of a gentleman?

A person that can play bagpipes at a party, but doesn’t.